Food for Thought
Consequences of Poor Choices in College
Followers of this blog, know I am a PASSIONATE supporter of sorority life for college women. In fact, one of my favorite topics to discuss with parents of college-aged women is membership in Greek Letter Organizations and all its benefits. I am excited whenever a young woman finds her sorority home away from home and creates lifelong friendship. I enjoy submitting recruitment information forms (RIFs) for potential new members as they start their sorority journey. And, I love writing letters of recommendation for graduate school and new jobs for women I watched grow though into themselves through sorority life.
My personal college experience was enriched the day I accepted my Bid in 1989. I joined a group of women who accepted me as I was, but also pushed me to be the best version of myself. Since I attended a large commuter University, Greek Life was my touchstone with extracurricular activities that enhanced my years at college. There were socials, study parties, basketball games and all-night float-building marathons, and yes, keggers, where I learned more about myself and my fellow Sisters.
Together we supported each other through the good and bad times. We were our Sisters’ keepers and responsible not only for following the rules and regulations of the organization and the University, but ensuring that our Sisters did as well. The rules were in place to make sure we had a complete academic, leadership, philanthropic, fun, balanced and safe sorority program. We knew that one bad apple could certainly spoil the bunch, and were cognizant of the greater level of scrutiny placed on sorority women by society – both by folks who wanted us to succeed and those who expected us to fail and take on the worst characteristics of the stereotypical “sorority girl gone wrong.”
Today, the actions of a few bad apples culminated in harsh consequences for the larger group, as the Chi Omega Chapter at the University of Pennsylvania was closed. The investigation of this Chapter was prompted by a series of poor decisions, that were exposed by a deeply offensive event. I was disappointed in these women, not only as their Sister, but as a Latina and a woman. As a former volunteer Sorority Adviser, I can attest to the fact that the collegiate leaders of this group were provided with close, one-on-one mentoring by older Alumnae members who were selected for their professional expertise and trained in how to supervise the activities of a college sorority. These Alumnae very likely advised (and scolded) them repeatedly about appropriate party topics among other teachable moments in the management of risk for a group of collegiate women. This advice was accompanied by sanctions, repercussions and intense education by the National organization, along with a timeline for successful completion of the sanctions and re-education. It was the college women’s decision to follow sage advice, but, as a self-governing groups of adults, they did not have to.
Unfortunately, they chose the worst possible outcome and started the chain reaction that led the National organization to close the Chapter. While I was sadden by the news, I fully supported the difficult decision made by the Governing Council (national executive officers). National Panhellenic Conference (NPC) groups have no tolerance for behavior that demeans, ridicules, or hurts other people and these have been articulated in the Unanimous Agreements, as well as the Fraternity’s Bylaws and Constitution. The governance documents are how we hold ourselves, and each other, accountable. Our goal is to uphold our ideals as we continually prepare women for life after college. In short , we strive to build women up and it is not by accident that so many female leaders are members of NPC groups. We have been doing it for over a hundred years, successfully, because we maintain the highest standards.
My sincerest wish for the women who lost their Chapter, by their own actions, is that they learned the lessons. My heart breaks for those women who tried, in vain, to steer the group, back to a place of honor and class, because I know they did not deserve to lose their Chapter. However, I am a proud sorority woman because we police ourselves. It is these events that remind me why I pledged to honor my Fraternity’s creed and support fellow Sisters. Sisterhood is for a lifetime, not just for the four years of college.
“Battle Flag” by Lo Fidelity Allstars featuring Pigeonhed is the Song of the Day
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I first heard “Battle Flag” in the late 1990s as a club mix. It was originally written as an homage to Prince by Pigeonhed and remixed and recorded by Lo Fidelity Allstars. The beat and a few of the lyrics stuck with me. However, it was not until I heard it on the episode of “ER” where Dr. Carter (Noah Wylie) meets, and is stabbed by, a Schizophrenic patient that it grabbed me.
Then, I heard it on an episode of The Sopranos and was thrilled when they included on one of their show soundtracks. It has become one of my get-up-and-MOVE jams.
The song starts off with a bang and just keeps going. Here are the first few lines:
Your construction
Smells of corruption
I manipulate to recreate
This air to ground saga
Gotta launder my karma
Gotta launder my karma, indeed. Great advice for all of us. Wave your own battle flag!
Hermione Without Ron? Say It Ain’t So, J.K.
In teaser quotes from an interiew with Emma Watson, guest editor at Wonderland Magazine, J.K. Rowling admits to having wanted Hermione Granger to end up with Harry Potter, not Ron Weasley. (The issue will be available on Thursday.)
WHAT?!
As I read each book and the characters grew older, I found the pairing of Hermione and Ron to be inspired. As the primary character, Harry, was the obvious (boring) choice as leading man. I will admit to having imagined the two of them ending up together, but as the story progressed, the more compelling relationship was between Hermione and Ron.
It was a classic “opposites attract” story, imbedded in the “friends-to-lovers” theme. Ron allowed Hermione to let her hair down, have fun and relax her natural intensity, while Hermione’s confidence in Ron empowered him to grow up, and into his own man. It also allowed a ginger to be the romantic hero. Genius!
I thank whatever literary gods and the Universe for ensuring that Ms. Rowling, not only kept Ron alive, but made him into an awkward, albeit truly lovable, romantic hero. It was one of many different plot twists that made this series on of my favorites.
How do you feel about these new revelations?
Breaking Up With Friends
The Drift: A Guide to Surviving a Friendship Breakup, by Lauren Foster, prompted me to look back at former friendships. Her tips for working through the process included: allowing oneself room to mourn, letting go, giving thanks, and finally, forming new friendships. It struck a chord with me, and I wondered if breaking up with friends was as difficult as breaking up with a significant other.
Social media allowed me to reconnect with many old friends, meet the man who became Hubby, and find new sets of like-minded people who shared my interests in Zumba, health and weight loss, Nursing and reading. I met my Zumba instructor friends in 2008, at the ZIN (Zumba Instructors Network) Convention, after “speaking” with them on an everyday basis through a networking message board. When we met in person for the first time, it felt like a reunion of long-time friends. We had a wonderful time together and remained connected, through Facebook, even though we are scattered throughout the country. Similarly, I remained connected with new Nursing school friends and old high school and college friends.
Facebook also brought new people into my life and several acquaintances became friends. Because I craved the one-on-one interaction of looking someone in the eye when speaking with them, I wanted to meet online friends in person. Logistically, that was impossible. Additionally, there was a layer of anonymity and artifice as we could create an online persona different from our own. There was a chance that we were getting a “sanitized for the internet” version of someone’s personality, but I think people’s true colors eventually surfaced the more we got to know each other.
Recently, a couple of my online friendships reached a logical end. One was easily dismissed, as she was not someone I felt comfortable confiding in. She was an oversensitive, passive/aggressive person whose feelings were easily hurt. Moreover, her definition of confidentiality and mine were incompatible. Communicating with her was simply tiresome and reminiscent of volatile, hormone-driven Middle School friendships. Peace. Out.
The other break up hurt. She and I bonded over mutual experiences and beliefs. Unfortunately, her image of me was influenced by others and she accused me of speaking ill of her behind her back. At the same time she was speaking ill of me. I freely admitted to speaking (er, gossiping…gulp) about her, but my “error” was calling her out for doing the same thing.
I developed my own thick skin, but that did not mean that I had not suffered at the hands of Regina George and her ostracizing band of Mean Girls. After reaching out to her a couple of times, it became abundantly clear that she no longer wanted my friendship. I took a relationship break, as it became obvious that I was a”fan friend” there to build her up, rather than a partner in the relationship. I said goodbye privately to the friendship, and mentally moved her to my “cordial acquaintances” list.
The pain of losing the connections was similar to breakups I had with men. The drama associated with them, however, was decidedly female. While I didn’t have physical relationships with my female friends, I was still sad to see them leave. Once these friendships ended I immediately felt lighter, as if a weight had been removed from my chest. As I realized I would not be speaking with these people everyday as I had grown accustomed to, I embraced a short grieving period.
Then, something astounding happened.
I found TIME. Time to speak with other online friends, time to spend cleaning up my house, time to read other books, time to watch television, time to work and most importantly, time to spend with my family! It was not only liberating, but empowering and humbling. As those doors closed, others opened. I just needed to allow them the space, take a deep breath and plunge back in.
Tell me about your experience breaking up with friends. Was it an ugly breakup or did you just drift away from each other? Did you ever reconnect with the old friends?
¡Feliz Navidad! Merry Christmas!
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I received the best gift I could ever hope for, on Nochebuena (Christmas Eve) – time with Papi, Mami, Hubby, Brother (PSM), Sister-in-Law, 2 Nephews and our Niece. Later today (Christmas Day) we will spend time with my Mom-in-Law and Hubby’s extended family.
We exchanged funny cards and gave the kids the “Harry Potter” boxed set collection. Nothing is better that time with loved ones. Several years ago, we decided to only give gifts to the kids and enjoy the joy of watching tear open their presents. It keeps the focus on our family and we love it!
Hope the spirit of the season fills you with joy.
Please enjoy “Navidad en Panamá.”
Be Careful What You Click On
I wonder if some of my new “followers” who have a decidedly reactionary tone to their blogs read my bio before “liking” this blog. Or are they simply trolls trying to “clean” up WordPress to conform to their narrow minded viewpoints? I may like individual posts, but I always look at the entire blog to see if it is something I support, and not a satirical rant. Look, before you click.
If you are new, please share what attracted you to my blog. Inquiring minds want to know.
Duck and Cover
I am not, nor ever will be, a fan of “Duck Dynasty.” However, the brouhaha over the suspension of a public figure who made ugly, unthinkable, regrettable homophobic and racist comments made me long for the days when “A&E” signified ARTS and entertainment, only. The duck person’s right to free speech was not infringed upon, as he spoke honesty and freely, in the GQ Interview. As a result, he was suspended from the show (I suspect due to violating terms in his contract with the network). People face these types of consequences every day, as corporations may create whatever policies they want for their employees. That is all that occurred, in this case.
Reality TV show “celebrities” opened themselves up for a greater degree of scrutiny when they signed their contracts and agreed to be filmed. They had the opportunity NOT to participate. Many who have been interviewed after their shows aired, stated their lives were forever changed and lamented the loss of privacy, relationships and sense of themselves. Notably, the Osbornes, who were no strangers to the public eye, ultimately regretted opening the doors of their private lives and homes to a television audience.
Unfortunately, the duck person was being touted as a “champion for Christian values,” and the angry mob of his “fans” began calling for boycotts of the network, petitions to be signed and have spewed more hate-filled speech towards A&E and organizations that promote LGBT equality and rights. This non-controversy will result in more sales for the duck people’s products as their “fans” rush to “support” them, enriching their coffers even more. Their “fans” will continue to vilify and marginalize people whom they believe are “beneath” them and continue their scorched earth campaign against “others.” Just as Jesus would do, I’m sure.
“Christians” could follow Pope Francis’ example…but they have already labeled The Pope as “anti-Christian.” Oops.
The aftermath will be must-see TV, although my sincerest wish is that the duck people, the baby pageants, and the Kardashians are canceled and replaced with educational programming. Or all shows of that ilk are grouped into a new network entitled “Dumb Me Down.”
Pass. The. Popcorn.
Another Year. Another Birthday. Hell, Yeah!
Ponder this thought for a moment: middle age rocks. I speak of this from experience, as a member of the last generation to have a truly “innocent” childhood and adolescence.
I grew up during the Cold War, learned what GRID/HIV/AIDS was and how it was really transmitted, in middle and high school. I watched the Challenger accident happen live. I remember the launch of MTV, and when the “M” was synonymous with music, like the “US Festival” and “Live Aid.” “Lollapalooza” was a little known festival advertised on college radio that took place in an empty field in Orlando, which now houses another shopping center. Trips to New York City included a stop on the observation deck of the World Trade Center, as well as, dodging drug dealers and prostitutes on Broadway and 42nd Streets.
Some days I feel every bit of my age, as I reach for my bifocals to read menus or an article online. Often, however, I do not. I have been told consistently that I look about ten years younger than I am. I have no desire to pretend to be anything but 46. I earned each grey hair, extra pound and stiff joint and muscle. I have also earned the right to look back upon my life fondly, but choose to look forward with a renewed sense of adventure. I have no desire to be in my twenties, or thirties, again. Did you hear that Madison Avenue?
The best part about being in my mid-forties is the ability to say, “fuck it,” and mean it. I am not going to be an attorney, police officer or super-heroine, as I dreamed about in my youth. I am happy to know it and move on. Age brings wisdom, but also self-reflection and self-care. It is liberating, sexy, peaceful and joyful.
My goal is to help contemporary fiction authors realize they are missing a rich demographic by not writing about middle-aged characters, who are sexy, intelligent, independent, quirky and fully developed. After all, we have more disposable income to purchase books, and will, if we see ourselves reflected back. The beauty of self-publishing is that consumers, not publishing companies, are driving demand. I will be demanding more experienced characters, loudly. I am 46 today, hear me roar!
30 Days of Thanks – Day 30 Reflection
I give myself a”B” for this challenge, as I did not write a post for each day.
Some days the posts were easy to write, but some required prodding and I looked for suggested topics on Facebook and online. Current events helped generate some thoughts, but I realized that the project was more difficult and deeply personal. I learned to look past the superficial and focus on the important people and things in my life. However, I was not prepared for the emotions that would be stirred up as I wrote each post. I plan to do the challenge again next year, to compare where I am today versus in 2014.
Next week, I shall return to the lighthearted, humorous posts I prefer to write and catch up on my posting my book reviews. But, for now, thank you. Namaste.
30 Days of Thanks – Day 29
“Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.” ~ Randy Pausch
I am thankful to have worked in retail while in college. I enjoyed my jobs and have pleasant memories of flexible hours, great customers and fun co-workers. With one glaring exception – Black Friday. I was left so traumatized by the experience, over 25 years ago, that I never shop on Black Friday, and only patronize small, locally-owned or socially-conscious, green businesses.
Black Friday traditionally marked the beginning of the Christmas shopping season. It was the period of the year where retailers would operate “in the black,” or at a profit, versus than “in the red,” or at a loss. For folks employed by retail establishments, it simply meant earning more money in a shorter amount of time.
Sadly, Black Friday has become synonymous with greed. And violence.
I urge you to consider whether or not those items are dire necessities worth dying for today. Or ever.
In the meantime, enjoy the dulcet, acapella tones of Sweet Honey in the Rock’s “Greed.”
30 Days of Thanks – Days 27 and 28 – Thanksgiving Eve and Thanksgiving Day
Wishing you continued blessings and gratitude for being on the blog journey with me. Please enjoy time with loved ones, as it is precious and entirely too short. Pause for a moment to think about and thank all the people who work on holidays, sacrificing time away from friends and family, to keep us safe, healthy and free. Let us work together to ensure they come home quickly, safely and are fully supported upon their return. Happy Thanksgiving!
30 Days of Thanks – Day 26
Today’s post is short. I am thankful for my family’s, friends’ and my health.
30 Days of Thanks – Day 22
Our friend Teresa recommended Live Oak Veterinary Hospital when we brought Zeke home. Her Doberman, Gracie, had been a patient there her entire life and loved the staff. For 12 years, they have taken care of our pack and love our pets as much as we do. Thank you Live Oak for being committed to serving your patients with personal, professional and compassionate care.
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Reading, Drinking and Dancing with a Chaser of Snark 