A Widow’s Rage Defense of Patton Oswalt’s Engagement

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Erica, FTW! When did it become ok for strangers feel entitled to “comment” on other people’s grief, disease process or loss.

Maybe I’m just old school, but saying something negative, to someone who has experienced life-altering circumstances, and the resulting pain, is personally distasteful to me. I remember learning to offer condolences, a hug, dinner, a drink or my telephone number. And keep my opinions to myself.

Grief and the pain of loss is PERSONAL. As is the process of moving through the pain, to discover who you are. Sometimes, just showing up for your own life is the most courageous and badass thing you can do.

I may be opinionated and outspoken, but even I know that silence is better than hateful bullshit.

So, be nice or be quiet. Seriously, it’s NOT about you.

Erica Roman Blog

Yesterday I was very excited to see that the comedian Patton Oswalt had announced his engagement to Meredith Salenger. Now, anyone who know’s me knows that I don’t follow the lives of celebrities at all. I’ve made an exception for him. Our spouses both unexpectedly died within 3 days of each other and both of us have processed our grief journey fairly openly. (Of course, his platform is a mite bigger than mine lol)

On the 102nd day of his journey (105 for me) he wrote in a Facebook post,

“I was face-down and frozen for weeks. It’s 102 days later and I can confidently say I have reached a point where I’m crawling. Which, objectively, is an improvement. Maybe 102 days later I’ll be walking.”

I shared that post on my own page because I could connect to that place he was in. No longer frozen, but the…

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