College
Consequences of Poor Choices in College
Followers of this blog, know I am a PASSIONATE supporter of sorority life for college women. In fact, one of my favorite topics to discuss with parents of college-aged women is membership in Greek Letter Organizations and all its benefits. I am excited whenever a young woman finds her sorority home away from home and creates lifelong friendship. I enjoy submitting recruitment information forms (RIFs) for potential new members as they start their sorority journey. And, I love writing letters of recommendation for graduate school and new jobs for women I watched grow though into themselves through sorority life.
My personal college experience was enriched the day I accepted my Bid in 1989. I joined a group of women who accepted me as I was, but also pushed me to be the best version of myself. Since I attended a large commuter University, Greek Life was my touchstone with extracurricular activities that enhanced my years at college. There were socials, study parties, basketball games and all-night float-building marathons, and yes, keggers, where I learned more about myself and my fellow Sisters.
Together we supported each other through the good and bad times. We were our Sisters’ keepers and responsible not only for following the rules and regulations of the organization and the University, but ensuring that our Sisters did as well. The rules were in place to make sure we had a complete academic, leadership, philanthropic, fun, balanced and safe sorority program. We knew that one bad apple could certainly spoil the bunch, and were cognizant of the greater level of scrutiny placed on sorority women by society – both by folks who wanted us to succeed and those who expected us to fail and take on the worst characteristics of the stereotypical “sorority girl gone wrong.”
Today, the actions of a few bad apples culminated in harsh consequences for the larger group, as the Chi Omega Chapter at the University of Pennsylvania was closed. The investigation of this Chapter was prompted by a series of poor decisions, that were exposed by a deeply offensive event. I was disappointed in these women, not only as their Sister, but as a Latina and a woman. As a former volunteer Sorority Adviser, I can attest to the fact that the collegiate leaders of this group were provided with close, one-on-one mentoring by older Alumnae members who were selected for their professional expertise and trained in how to supervise the activities of a college sorority. These Alumnae very likely advised (and scolded) them repeatedly about appropriate party topics among other teachable moments in the management of risk for a group of collegiate women. This advice was accompanied by sanctions, repercussions and intense education by the National organization, along with a timeline for successful completion of the sanctions and re-education. It was the college women’s decision to follow sage advice, but, as a self-governing groups of adults, they did not have to.
Unfortunately, they chose the worst possible outcome and started the chain reaction that led the National organization to close the Chapter. While I was sadden by the news, I fully supported the difficult decision made by the Governing Council (national executive officers). National Panhellenic Conference (NPC) groups have no tolerance for behavior that demeans, ridicules, or hurts other people and these have been articulated in the Unanimous Agreements, as well as the Fraternity’s Bylaws and Constitution. The governance documents are how we hold ourselves, and each other, accountable. Our goal is to uphold our ideals as we continually prepare women for life after college. In short , we strive to build women up and it is not by accident that so many female leaders are members of NPC groups. We have been doing it for over a hundred years, successfully, because we maintain the highest standards.
My sincerest wish for the women who lost their Chapter, by their own actions, is that they learned the lessons. My heart breaks for those women who tried, in vain, to steer the group, back to a place of honor and class, because I know they did not deserve to lose their Chapter. However, I am a proud sorority woman because we police ourselves. It is these events that remind me why I pledged to honor my Fraternity’s creed and support fellow Sisters. Sisterhood is for a lifetime, not just for the four years of college.
30 Days of Thanks – Day 29
“Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.” ~ Randy Pausch
I am thankful to have worked in retail while in college. I enjoyed my jobs and have pleasant memories of flexible hours, great customers and fun co-workers. With one glaring exception – Black Friday. I was left so traumatized by the experience, over 25 years ago, that I never shop on Black Friday, and only patronize small, locally-owned or socially-conscious, green businesses.
Black Friday traditionally marked the beginning of the Christmas shopping season. It was the period of the year where retailers would operate “in the black,” or at a profit, versus than “in the red,” or at a loss. For folks employed by retail establishments, it simply meant earning more money in a shorter amount of time.
Sadly, Black Friday has become synonymous with greed. And violence.
I urge you to consider whether or not those items are dire necessities worth dying for today. Or ever.
In the meantime, enjoy the dulcet, acapella tones of Sweet Honey in the Rock’s “Greed.”
30 Days of Thanks – Day 23
I am grateful to have graduated from the University of South Florida, over 20 years ago. It was a wonderful experience learning how to live with diverse people. There was no football team when I was student, so my experience attending college football was as an alumnus. My husband and I have had season football tickets for several years and it is one of our favorite date night activities.
Self-Love is NOT a College Course
Today I stumbled upon this little gem Elon University to Sponsor “Self-Pleasure” Course. The blogger proceeded to describe the course schedule that included toy demonstrations and communication techniques. Sadly, its initial session was only open to 20 students.
What could possibly go wrong with a college course about personal sexuality? Nothing, if the course had been sanctioned by the University. Apparently, students at Elon may create seminars and workshops on topics of their choosing. Many colleges offer similar opportunities through their student organizations, on and off-campus health service agencies, lecture series and similar venues.
Elon did not actually offer “Masturbation: 101,” and the blogger failed to contact University officials to verify his facts. In fact, the very first comments on his posts were by, none other than the Vice President for University Communications. Oops.
Would you take a course in “Self-Pleasure” for college credit? Post away, let’s talk.
30 Days of Thanks – Day 12
Even though I am no longer a sorority adviser, I still receive requests for letters of reference from the women I advised over 12 years. It makes me happy to be a small part of their future, having seen them start to grow into their adult selves in college. I was blessed to know them as their adviser, and continue to be blessed by having them as alumnae friends.
30 Days of Thanks – Day 7
Today I give thanks for the women I have met in my sorority, and other sororities. We created a unique bond during our college years and it was the first group I truly belonged in without compromising any part of my personality. Completely different from my high school experience, where I felt like I had to downplay one aspect of my personality, depending on the group I was around – the dancer side, the geek side, the heavy metal chick side, etc. It was refreshing to fully integrate all the pieces into one.
This list will put a smile on all the Alumnae out there. Some do not apply to those of us who are a little “older,” but I still buy jewelry with my sorority’s symbol on it and know these women will always have my back. Enjoy 35 Signs You Miss Your Sorority, Snaps!
30 Days of Thanks – Day 6
I am blessed to have parents and in-laws who are supportive, loving and still “worry” about me, even though I’m middle-aged. I shared the news of the temporary pause, yet again, of my nursing education journey with them. While they were upset for me – probably more than I was – they immediately had words of comfort and support for me.
This marks a new chapter in my life, into uncharted waters. Do I want to continue on the same course, or try something different? Is this my passion or something that seemed like a good idea at the time? Am I ready to make another leap? These questions remain unanswered at the moment.
What I Know
1. I have a passion for reading and writing. Until this Summer, when I was writing consistently, it was only a hobby.
2. I like to help others. In the broad sense. I am the person you turn to when you need tough love, or when tough choices need to be made.
3. I like to work for myself.
The key will be to combine 1, 2, and 3. Stay tuned.
30 Days of Thanks – Day 5
Today I am thankful for the many people who came into my life through Nursing school. We will soon be parting ways, but they will live forever in my heart.
30 Days of Thanks – Days 1 and 2
November 1st – I am thankful for an amazing Level IV clinical group. These are 11 of the most patient-centered, thorough, compassionate people I have ever met. I am blessed to have done my last ADN school rotation with them and would be happy if any, or all, of them were my, or a loved one’s, nurse.
November 2nd – I am thankful for my Husband and Zeke, Hannah Bean and Charlotte (aka. Charlie), my K9 kids. They are all keeping me company as I study for my Level IV Final Exam and I am feeling the love.
Etiology of a Book Trailer – “Searching for Moore,” by Julie A. Richman
Summer of 2013 has been the Summer of books and reviews, where I rediscovered the joy that leisure reading brought me. My newest ventures have been writing book reviews and beta reading books for independent authors. I am still learning how to do both, but writing reviews is definitely my favorite of the two.
Earlier this year, I read and reviewed Searching for Moore by Julie A. Richman (Book 1 in the “Needing Moore” series). Julie’s book kept me up all night, deeply invested in Schooner and Mia’s story and I was emotionally drained but my mind kept spinning. That inspired my best book review to date, as words flew, organically, off my fingers, onto the keys, and onto the screen. When I hit “publish” on the blog post, the sun was rising and I knew I had to know more about the woman who wrote Searching for Moore. I had to talk to her.
I “met” Julie on Facebook. There was the initial awkwardness of the clichéd OMG-when-are-you-releasing-book-2 comment. Followed by the blubbering on of a fangirl who had too little sleep, too much coffee and not enough Schooner Moore or Mia Silver. Finally, we started to talk. Like lifelong friends. Who had never met before. The more we talked – about music, college, jobs, life experiences, relationships, etc. – Julie and I found that we had been separated at birth! Synchronous would be the best way to describe our connection.
Our friendship brought three other women into my life. All fans of Searching for Moore who had similar reactions to the story. As, we began “hanging out” together on Facebook, the bond became stronger. Sure we talked about our favorite parts of the book, but we talked about ourselves. If someone had a bad day, there were four other women to help her through it. If we needed a laugh or bawdy comment, we were there.
Together.
Together, we decided to create the following book trailer. Kristen was our computer guru, taking all the pieces and creating something that represented all of us, even after the infamous crash of “Video Version 1” (shudder). Cleida brought us Mia and Schooner and had the uncanny eye to spot the right photos of them. Samantha was our cheerleader, keeping everyone in good spirits. I suggested “If I Should Fall Behind,” by Bruce Springsteen as the accompanying song and critiqued the final product. We accomplished this in about two days and presented it to Julie, on Sunday, just past midnight.
As we waited, impatiently, for Julie to view the video, so many thoughts went through our heads. “What if Julie doesn’t like it?” “What if the fans don’t like it?” “What if it’s not good enough?” “What if it doesn’t capture the essence of Schooner and Mia?” These were the longest three minutes of the entire process!
Julie loved it!
She immediately posted it on her Facebook page. It was received warmly by other fans, who then shared it with their friends and family. Now, I share it with you. Please share, reblog, buy the book and fall in love with Schooner and Mia. (Book 2, “Moore to Lose,” will be released in September 2013.) Amazon Barnes and Noble
After reading Searching for Moore please visit Julie’s author website for additional scenes, written in the point of view of other characters, and find her on Facebook.
Here is our labor of love for Searching for Moore .
Grace Under Pressure – One of the Benefits of Sororities
As a lifelong “Sorority Girl” and advisor for 13 years, I am often asked about the benefits of sororities. The public is quick to embrace the image of Sorority Women as entitled or shallow, but fails to realize that most of our leaders, both women and men, have a Greek letter affiliations. For many of us, our first contact with many of the complex issues we face, and will face, in our professional lives were experienced in our college Chapters.
I learned how to manage my time and balance my classes, job, sorority commitments and personal life, whether I wanted to, or not. My Sorority taught me how to maximize my time, because time was a limited commodity. I also practiced talking to difficult people, or people I would not normally approach, on a regular basis. This skill, learned through Rush/Recruitment, has helped me throughout my life. Each time I have accepted a new job or promotion, I had to market myself, time and time again – just like I did, during Rush.
I was disgusted when I read the article criticizing Kelsey Williams, a professional NBA, fit, beautiful cheerleader by a female sports “blogger.” The “blogger” did not criticize Ms. Williams’ ability to perform her job, instead she chose to ridicule Ms. Williams’ appearance. Then, the blog post went viral, exposing Ms. Williams to the ugliness found on Social Media. The “blogger” has since been fired, and rightfully so. Sadly, Ms. Williams’ had to publicly defend herself, against this unprovoked attack. Her tweet about the incident “To be womanly always, discouraged never,” is a quote from the Chi Omega Symphony – a document I am intimately familiar with, as I have recited it for the better part of 24 years. I am also a Chi Omega, like Ms. Williams.
I was upset when I heard that a woman was ripping another woman for her APPEARANCE, rather than her job performance. When a fellow Alumna Sister pointed out to me, that Ms. Williams was a fellow NPC (National Panhellenic Conference) and Chi Omega Sister, it became “personal” for me. No one rips into one of my Sisters, without provocation, especially when the person is not woman enough to look her target in the eye, as she does it. Using Social Media to shame and ridicule others is called cyber-bullying. I call it cowardice of the highest order.
However, this situation has a silver lining. Sorority women of all ages, backgrounds and affiliations have rallied around Ms. Williams, in support. She was interviewed by “Good Morning America,” about the incident and was able to demonstrate her own personal strength and grace. Her actions speak to the positive aspects of sororities more than any movie or television show. I am proud to support her, and other Greek women, who understand the benefits of Sisterhood have nothing to do with cute t-shirts, dating and social functions, and EVERYTHING to do with learning how to become the best version of yourself – an empowered woman.
Much Needed Time Off
Once again, I volunteered at the May 2013 RN Pinning Ceremony. These are the students I started RN school with, until my life changed and I had to leave school. I may only be one semester behind them, graduating in December, but it feels like a lifetime.
The RN Pinning Ceremony is a tradition in most Nursing schools. For students who have already been through a college graduation, at a large school, like me, the Pinning Ceremony is infinitely more special than the graduation ceremony. Students are pinned, with an RN pin, by their last clinical instructor. The entire faculty and staff of the Nursing School typically attend, so it is very intimate and personal for the students. Each graduate takes the “Nightingale Pledge,” based on the Hippocratic Oath and in honor of the founder of modern nursing, Florence Nightingale.
I look forward to my Pinning Ceremony, but for the next few days, I will celebrate those who reached this goal before I did. They will be outstanding, caring nurses who will provide holistic patient care.
To Be Womanly Always, Discouraged Never
As a Chi Omega, I could not have been prouder of how graciously Kelsey handled herself. She exemplifies our Symphony, beautifully and is a fantastic role model for women everywhere.
I will forever be indebted to my sorority, Chi Omega, for the amazing college experience I had. The friendships I made during my four years at American University are ever-lasting … and I wouldn’t be who I am today without Chi O.
In the 12 years since my graduation, I’m always thrilled to discover that a stranger, a new friend, someone’s second cousin … is a Chi O, a fellow sister.
Which is why today, I’m sharing this article.
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Good Fight
Two distinctly different ways to “motivate.”
My experiences as a sorority woman were overwhelmingly positive. The DG “president” illustrates the worst type of poor decision-making that seems to be the norm among college and High School students. Her unbelievable capacity for meanness for women she calls her “sisters,” is only exacerbated by her unscrupulous use of social media to “share” her message.
All of the attention being generated by this incident, negates over 100 years of positive contributions made by sorority women, and “glorifies’ bullying and shaming. I hope this “rant” follows her, as she tries to find a job after college, and serves as a cautionary tale of what NOT to do, to make friends and influence/motivate people.
Conversely, Katelyn Campbell – LEARN HER NAME – is a shining example of how people can use their own power to uplift others, with no voice. Kudos to you, Katelyn. Wellesley is lucky to have you!
I woke up to this lovely tirade this morning:
Gawker: Sorority Girl Email (link — warning: lots of foul language!)
To sum it up, a sorority girl wrote a foul-mouthed and abusive email to her sorority sisters, in which she berates them for being “awkward” and “boring” while hanging out with a fraternity. Besides the fact that this particular girl clearly has anger issues, a limited vocabulary, and very little self-respect, it’s also very disturbing to think of the text messages she must have received that prompted her to write this email. She says she’s been getting texts “about people LITERALLY being so &%^ing AWKWARD and so &%^ing BORING” and “about people being &%^ing WEIRD at sports … but I’ve gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team” (foul language redacted). The implication is that she’s been getting these texts from members of the fraternity with which…
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Reading, Drinking and Dancing with a Chaser of Snark 