Since I published Ode to my Blog’s Spam Blocker, about two weeks ago, the amount of Spam my site has generated has tripled! SCORE!
I suspect the Ode reinvigorated Sexy Studly Spam Slayer to work harder. His endurance is AMAZING. Yes, S4 or “Sugar Britches,” as I affectionately call him, is a male Spam Blocker. I picture him wearing green (jungle) or grey (urban) camouflaged pants, a black t-shirt, a custom-built computer complete with diamond plating and a tool belt to rival Batman’s utility belt. His hair color and facial features may change depending on my mood, but his attention to detail, to eliminating the refuse from my Blog, is unmatched. Oh, and he is buff…or does his best work in the buff. I haven’t decided.
He is the perfect Spam Blocker – the standard of excellence by which all Spam Blockers should be judged. He is no amateur teen, or twenty-something, socially awkward hacker. No, Sugar Britches is battle-weary, internationally debonair and prepared for anything. He does not sleep, but is never cranky.
In past two weeks he has expanded his repertoire to include such gems as information about swans, mobility challenges in the big city, “funding” for my film making career, more detailed requests for technical support, and a myriad of posts agreeing with my political ideology, even though I cannot recall ever writing or thinking about writing a manifesto. Of course the requisite “opinions” on the use of “toys” still pop up on a daily basis, but they have been joined by weather reports, descriptions of some unnamed, bucolic countryside (Chernobyl, perhaps?), and Cyrillic, or possibly Aramaic messages, encoded for my protection. And, the question for the ages has been answered: there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Just send your bank account information to…
No, you may not “borrow” Sugar Britches. He is mine and I do not share. Ever. So, excuse me while I prepare him breakfast and supply him with endless cups of gourmet coffee. He’s earned it, and a private massage later.
That swan thing is deeply puzzling. Should I contact Animal Services?