About a month ago, I reached a new milestone – I turned 50. I fully embraced my inner Sally O’Malley and was ready to take on the second part of my century. Heck, after celebrating my 40th birthday, and the entire decade, I expected 50 to have a similar effect on me.
It did not.
It has, in fact, had the opposite effect. 50 has only served to highlight my lack of youth and inevitable aging. Updating my blog to reflect my new “status” made me reflect on where I am.
While I have continued to age disgracefully, there is a profound sense of loss. I just cannot pinpoint what I have lost.
I have not changed the world or even traveled as much as I had hoped. I have not made my mark in society, as I continue to be one of the millions of drones who go about their lives every day.
All I know is that I am scared.
Scared that I, like so many others before me, will simply disappear into the obscurity of the aging process. Scared that as an “older” woman, who is well into menopause, I have become obsolete. Scared that my days as a sensual, sexual being are numbered, and the clock is not on my side.
So 50, we have reached an impasse. Will you help me reframe my pessimistic view of my immediate future? Or will I continue to morph into one “those women,” the ones we see, but look right through?
Only time, as limited as it is, will tell. But, it is not on my side.
This entry was posted in aging, Aging Process, Change, Food for Thought, Generation X, Generations, Health, LIfe, Sad day, sex and tagged 50 years of age, 50 years old, aarp, aging, Aging Process, celebrating women, middle age, middle-aged woman, older woman, older women.